The Very Best Way to Spend Your Boyfriend’s Night Shift

“So what are you going to do while I’m at work? Go shopping? Do laundry? Clean the apartment and get ready for Linda’s visit? Visit Erika?”

Every time my boyfriend works a night shift we have the same conversation before he heads out. He asks what my plans are for while he’s at work, I reply that I don’t know, perhaps maybe a little tv and some housework, all the while I know quite well that very little productivity will occur.

So what do I do when J.W. isn’t here?

1. Plop on the couch as soon he’s out the door, and spend most of the evening there.

2. Take hot baths with candles and wine or beer.

3. Eat an embarrassing amount of ice cream, cookies and sweets. Likely all at once.

4. Drink sugar coma inducing amounts of Pepsi.

5. Watch all the tv shows he’s not into like Chasing Life, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder.

6. Rearrange my shoe and purse collections.

7. Pin eleventy billion outfits I wish I owned

8. Test out the products in my new Ipsy Glam Bag. Its best to do this while the bf is away, especially if you told him you weren’t going to spend anymore money on make up. #oops

9. Read a book, its always so hard to concentrate when they’re around. Amiright?

10. Do whatever the hell I want, where whatever you want, no one is around to judge me. #nobra #sweatpants #sorrynotsorry

Basically I revert back to my SSB.

What do you do when your boyfriend/husband isn’t around?

Secret Single Behaviour

From August 2011 to December 2013,  I was completely and utterly single. Sure I dated a few guys, and had a few escapades, but nothing every turned into anything remotely serious or long lasting. And to be honest, while I’ve had definite moments of loneliness and longing for companionship, I was okay with being single. Because after having spent the previous two and a half years in a roller coaster of a relationship with E, I really needed to find myself again. I really needed to indulge in a little “me time.”
In all my glorious time alone, I’ve developed some questionable habits that in the land of single women has been dubbed Secret Single Behaviour. You know, those super weird, totally embarrassing things that I only dare do while I’m alone but unabashedly enjoy the shit out of. I know you are all probably pretending you have no idea what I’m talking about, but you can’t fool me, every girl has some. In any case I’m terrified that potential future boyfriends will discover my quirks, and no longer think of me as a cute little nerd, and instead as three headed freak.

A few weeks ago Juliette wrote this post and I thought it was freakin’ hilarious and that she totally should have done a link-up because she and I can’t possibly the only girls out there with Secret Single Behaviour. At the time I didn’t think I’d have to worry about anyone discovering my SSB anytime soon, so I promised her that I’d follow in her brave footsteps, because I can’t leave her hanging alone in her weirdness. So here we go…

– I like to spend entire Sundays in bed reading and watching TV.

– I like to drink gallons of Pepsi, and leave empty cans everywhere.

– I like to throw my dirty clothes on the floor at the foot of my bed and not pick it up until laundry time.

– I like to clean my apartment in my rattiest clothes while dancing and belting out my favorite tunes.

– I like to take naps after work that could last all night.

– I like to pin things to my secret wedding board on Pinterest.

– I like to keep a list of children’s names that I like.

– I like to only wash my hair twice a week.

– I like to stalk ex boyfriends on Facebook.

– I like to take off my pants as soon as I get home from work.

– I like to toss clean clothes on the bed in my guest room, and not pack it away for a week.

– I like to take baths, fill the tub with hot water, and get out as soon as the tub is finished filling.

– I like to watch all the chick flick type shows on TV like Pretty Little Liars, Beauty & The Beast, The Carrie Diaries, etc.

– I like to Nair or Wax my big toes, because I think they get too hairy.

– I like to cook big amounts of food and then eat it for every meal until its gone.

– I like to blog and tweet. But few people I know IRL actually know about that.

– I like to cook Sidekicks and eat them straight from the pot to avoid dirtying any more dishes.

– I like to pig out on junk food while lying in bed with my laptop.

I think now that I’ve put them all in a list, I’m even more terrified of being found out. Please J, for my sanity, don’t ever read this blog!

Do you have any Secret Single Behaviours? Who am I kidding, of course you do! Now spill em!