How to Navigate Rough Waters

Have you ever had an idea for post develop, and you get so excited about it. You know its genius. You talk your way through it in your head, know exactly what you’re going to say, and how you’re going to say it. And then you sit down in front of your computer, and, nothing. Absolutely nothing. You’ve lost it. Not the topic of course, but the ability to get the idea to flow out of your brain, down your arms to your finger tips, to type it out. That fantastic idea you had for a topic becomes nothing more than a mumbled jumbled mess of incoherentness.

It happens to me all of the time. Perhaps I should do a better job of writing down my ideas as they come to me, but it seems its always at the most inopportune time. Or perhaps I’m not that great of a writer. Or maybe I put too much pressure on myself to make great things happen in less than a great amount of time. Either way, this post was one of those posts. But thats not going to stop me from spewing my thoughts in the most coherent way I can right now.

My friend Erin (name changed of course) is going through a really rough time right now. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, a guy I’m sure she thought she would marry someday. And even though she knows deep down that it was the right thing to do, she’s struggling with having walked away from the nearly finished house they were building together, and the life she thought she would have.

Whether the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, break ups are painful. They can leave you feeling lost, depressed, heart broken and physically ill. And you would think that given the fact that I have had my fair share of break ups, guy drama and disappointments, I’d be a pro at making it through the storm at this point. That I’d have some wonderful amount of wisdom to impart on my struggling friend.

The truth is that no matter how many times you go through it. How much experience you have at it. It doesn’t make it suck any less. It doesn’t make it any less painful. And it doesn’t really get any easier. And so while I’ve discovered that there is no magic formula for surviving the storm, I have learned a few things along the way.

– Drink all the wine. Its okay to numb the pain a little. Just don’t forget to turn off the phone. Getting the Drunken Texties will not make things better.

– Eat all the ice cream and junk food. You have to eat. And it may as well taste wonderful. I love me some Ben & Jerry’s at times like these. The whole pint and a spoon, screw the bowl.

– Stay in bed all day if you want to. You need to find comfort where you can.

– Don’t get dressed if you don’t feel like it.

– Watch all the tv and all the movies you want.

– Let yourself cry when you need to, it does not mean that you are weak. Holding it in makes it harder in those first few days.

– Scream and curse the world if it will bring you some relief.

– Don’t be embarrassed about your pain. You have a right to feel exactly how you’re feeling. Don’t feel bad about that.

– It’s okay to grieve. You’ve lost something. A person you cared about. The life you thought you’d have. Mourn that loss.

Sometimes we are not very kind to ourselves when we are going through heartbreak. We judge how strong we are being, how well we are coping. The number of days it takes us to be “normal” again. How many times we cry. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to “get over it,” to “move on,” to “bounce back,” in an “acceptable” amount of time. A lot of self-help articles will tell you to give yourself a shake, distract yourself, go for a run, spend time with friends, etc. And sure they’re all great ideas. And yes, there comes a point where you need to give yourself a bit of a kick in the ass to get back to reality, but its important to know that its okay to take a little time to feel your pain and try to come to terms with things.

Found on Flickr but its been removed.

Have you ever had a really tough break up? I’m sure you have. What did you do to make it through? How did you cope? Seriously, many pints of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked did you eat? Any advice for a girl who’s so great at break ups, she’ll probably see a few more?

Fondue for Two

– I have a list of baby names stored in the notepad on my iPhone. Obviously that’s not something I share with everyone. Can you imagine how fast a guy would run for the hills if he found out? And omg, pretty sure my parents would have a panic attack. But in any case, its there. And any time I hear a name I like, I add it. Pretty sure though that by the time I’m ready to name a child, I’ll look at every name on that list and wonder wtf I was thinking.

– The skin on my face is always dry and flaky. No amount of moisturizer can fix it. And it makes it super hard to find BB creams and foundations that will help color correct my skin tone, without looking like a total effing mess.

– I’m on a super tight budget these days. And its killing me. I have never wanted to shop so bad. I mean why does Target have to come out with all this awesome clothes right as I decide that I have zero room in my budget for clothes shopping? And why do e-books have to be so darn expensive when the temperatures are frigid and I’m cooped up in my apartment with nothing else to do but read?

– I’m really looking forward to the Divergent movie. But I’ve never read the books, and probably should get on that ASAP. Speaking of, the trailer just came on tv while I’m catching up on PLL.

– If I ever elected to have plastic surgery, I’d get myself a boob job, a little work on my super thin upper lip, have something done about the permanent bags under my eyes (never noticed them? thank you Photoshop), and have my slowly developing saggy under the chin area taken care of.

– 100 points for anyone who understands the title of this post.

– And yeah I know I don’t even like coffee, but Coffee Talk sounded a whole lot better than Starbucks Caramel Macchiato Talk, plus I totally stole this idea from Casey.

Time Keeps on Slipping….

I turned 27 a few days ago and if I’m being honest I have to say that I’m not all that thrilled about being so close to 30. I’m beginning to feel like I am getting old.

I know that 27 isn’t old, and 30 isn’t either for that matter. But its an age by which I had assumed I would have a lot more shit figured out than I do. Its a time when you should be acting less like a teenager and more like an adult.

When I was younger I didn’t really think that I would want to get married or have kids. And I figured that if I ever changed my mind about that, I’d be at least 35 before I took the plunge and settled down

Now that I’m here, at 27, I’ve come to realize that marriage and children aren’t such a horrible idea. In fact its an idea that gives me the warm and fuzzies. But it also gives me anxiety because I feel like if I want those things then they should be happening soon. Like very soon. So soon in fact, that in an ideal world I’d be married with a baby by 30, or at the very least have one on the way.

But right now, in this very moment, the likelihood of that happening is probably slimmer than the chances of me winning the lottery. You see, being single with zero man-friend prospects, really makes it difficult to meet such a deadline.

I’m honestly surprised that I’m feeling this way about things so soon. But as it turns out, 27 is when your biological clock literally starts to tick because fertility starts to decline. And now that I’m pretty sure I want kids, the thought of not being able to have them is a little bit scary.

And lets not forget that having kids young is not such a bad thing. Cause I really don’t want to be 60 when I’m sending my offspring to college.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I have baby fever. Because I don’t. I really really don’t. Yeah, my ovaries hurt a little when I see a super cute bambino, and I swoon over adorable baby clothes, but right now I’m happy spending my extra money on Starbucks, clothes and shoes, and being able to sleep all night and well into the morning.

I’d just feel a little better if my life seemed as if it were slowly moving in the direction of a baby stroller and a white picket fence.

All in due time I suppose.

PS. Seriously, how am I 27 already? I’m an adult. When the hell did that happen? And can I make it stop? (At least until I find a boyfriend anyways.)