Sometimes Reality Is Better

Have you ever went to bed, snuggled in under the covers, and settled in for a long peaceful rest, only to end up dreaming about something that shook you to your core? That made you stressed while you were dreaming, and left you with an unshakable feeling the next morning?

I’ve had nightmares before, the being naked in public dreams, even the naughty dreams (don’t judge). Honestly, most mornings I don’t even remember my dreams. And rarely do I dream about something that feels so real that I can’t rid myself of it the next day.

Last night was one of those nights. My dream started out kind of wonderful, my family was planning a vacation to somewhere warm, it was going to be our first vacation together in more than 10 years and I was sooo excited. When we were done planning I went out with my friends for the evening, but when I came home I found my mom really upset, my dad had packed a bag and moved out. I remember feeling very confused because we had just all been so happy making plans together. The rest of the dream was spent being super angry at my dad for tearing our family apart, avoiding and refusing to talk to me, and wishing that he would come home.

When I woke up, there had been no resolution in my dream, it felt unfinished, like I had turned the tv off too soon, or that there would be a sequel. And today my chest feels heavy, like at any moment I will break down and cry about something that never happened.

I know that so many people come from families who have separated. That it isn’t the end of the world, and it isn’t the worst thing that could ever happen. But for me, my family falling apart is probably my worst nightmare. And I have no idea why I dreamt about it because my family seems pretty happy.

I’m too shaken to listen to any song today that’s remotely slow or sad. So I’ll be listening to my new fav song on repeat all day.

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