Day 7: Shyte that i’m afraid of

I wish I could say that I’m fearless. That’s an attractive quality isn’t it? A girl who isn’t afraid of anything. But I think fearless is a facade that people use to hide their pain or insecurity. And I think being able to be honest about who you are is a better thing to strive for than to be fearless. Honesty is the best policy, or so I’ve been told.

So here it goes, the things that I am afraid of (one or two of these might not impress a few people):

1. Heights
I know this one’s not a rarity. But for me heights can be slightly immobilizing. I can’t jump off the high dive. I can’t go zip lining, even though I’d really like to. I can’t go to the climbing wall at the gym. My knees get weak, my hands get sweaty, I overheat, and feel dizzy. It isn’t fun. I AM going up the Eiffel Tower in October, I might just need an Ativan to make it through.

2. Death
Another common fear, but thinking about dying makes me panic, and gives me anxiety.

3. Getting faaaat
Yeah. Slightly superficial. But, I’m scared that if I let myself put on a few pounds, I won’t do anything to lose it. And I’ve always been the skinny/fit girl. Not something I want to give up. Plus, all the health issues that go along with being overweight that could lead to fear #2.

4. Labour
Not the kind of physical labour you get paid for. Giving birth. I have an extremely low tolerance of pain. I mean it, extreeeeemely low. And labour can last a really long time. And I know that people say once the baby is born you’re so happy that you forget about the pain. But I am not convinced. Not even a little bit. Sure, you’re happy to have your child but the memory of that pain can’t possibly vanish.

5. That I Won’t Say No to my Kid(s) You know, a long long time from now, in the very distant future, I’ll probably have a kid or two. And when/if that happens I hope that I’m not one of those mothers with the brat children, who I never say no to. Here’s to hoping I don’t ever give in to cosleeping. Here’s to hoping I don’t let my kids eat whatever the hell they want. Here’s to hoping I don’t let go of all the things I think about parenting right now.

What are you afraid of?

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